Thanks for your note. Your question is not an easy one, but I'll give it a shot.First of all, my wife and I are just like most couples - we have our ups and downs and it is by no means an idyllic scenario where we're always operating in spiritual harmony and unity. In fact, I've never heard of a marriage that really is like that. However, marriage can and should be based on both parties pursuing Jesus as individuals so when they come together they're both going the same direction.While I would say I "lead" my wife spiritually, that happens largely through the intensity of my own walk with Christ. I will read something out of the Bible and share it with her, and at times vice versa. But I find that spiritual leadership is more of a natural outgrowth of the condition of my character and closeness to Christ than it is an active thought. If there are sin issues in my life, it doesn't matter how hard I try to lead her, it won't work because my inside won't match my outside.When it comes to each spouse's respective responsibilities in marriage, Ephesians 5:22-33 outlines it the best: Wives are to submit to their husbands godly, caring leadership and husbands are to love their wives with greater care and attention than they give themselves. When it's working right it doesn't feel like "submission" on the part of the woman and it doesn't feel like "giving yourself up" on the part of the man. These things are the natural actions and responses of a couple who is trusting Jesus in every aspect of their lives.A Christian marriage will take on a variety of forms but always has trust in Jesus at the center. That means that both the man and woman find their identity, hope, and happiness in Christ and not primarily in each other. When couples look to each other to provide their deepest needs, rather than Christ, the relationship becomes destructive. No man or woman can be everything their spouse needs or desires, no matter how great they are. The result is a strangling of the other person in an attempt to fill a void that can only be filled by a sinless, perfect, infinite God.It sounds like you're having some real challenges in your marriage. Here are a few things you can do in an attempt to keep things from deteriorating:First, you can pray earnestly for your husband, that God will convict him and draw him by his grace. Second, you can find your joy and satisfaction in Christ alone. That will allow you to forgive him for the wrongs he's done as well as give you the strength to not demand of him that he be this way or that. You can ask him to fulfill the vows he made to you, but remind him that Jesus is the one who is ultimately in charge of your life and is the determiner of your happiness and security, not him.
Well, what do you think?
